Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Getting the Lovin' put on...

A Kid's drawing of a Baryonyx, (looks like Dave)
Dave wanted to go outside today, and I promised him we would go out on a bus all the way across to SW London, as long as he behaved. Anyway, he was very badly behaved and threw lots of things out of my bag whilst I was in the bath so I said he could not come out to play. Barney, though, decided that he wanted to stay behind and guard my stuff from any other dinos (he's got it into his head that Dave has contacts in the Dino underworld, which I think is really unfounded - Dave is just gobby) and told me to take the Punkyonyx out of his way. So eventually, once Dave had stopped larking about in the kitchen trying to attach knives to his stitched-in hands, we left the house.

Obviously my kinda cake...
Once on the bus, Dave went to sleep. Great. Too much nonsense earlier in the day had clearly worn him out. Still, we went and met up with the Punk Preacher and Dr Goth and we drank highly calorific Hot Chocolate complete with cream topping, and cake. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmm! CAAAKE! Cake really makes The Loris happy. Cake and Tea is bestest, but Hot Choc is great at times too. Dave, however, stole cake and then just "Blerg"ged in general throughout the evening. 

Dr Goth had called us together to deliver some amazing news for my flatmates and I which totally blew me away. I have to admit that this year has been a challenge pretty much the whole way through, and I know that God said it would be a time of preparation once I moved from my old home, but nothing would have prepared me for such generosity of spirit and life-giving breathing space. It had me choking back tears. I should have let them flow.

Yup, I hate roller coasters... urgh!

This year has been one of RoLlercoAster emotions (and I hate rollercoasters) and left my spirit in conflict with my flesh. There have been days where I wanted so much to die, but I know that there is so much more for me to do here. Not that I know what all of that is, but I do know of a few things that God has for me to do before I shrug off this mortal coil. Giving in to the Depression Monkeys of Doom (DMoDs) is very tempting. Succumbing to the apathy and the neglect of self would be alarmingly easy. To embrace the lies of the Father of Lies would rob me of who I am completely. The DMoDs do a very good job of telling me that nobody gives a crap about me, that I am stupid, or incapable of completing my studies, that people tolerate me because they feel sorry for me, that even God can't be bothered with me and that He has actually left me to drown under the downpours of The Black Dog & his Cloud and other such wicked words.

Fortunately the whole of today has proved otherwise. For, quite apart from the AWESOME provision of YHWH via Dr Goth and The Grizzly Polar, lover of fluffikins, I also became the adoptive mother of a Lowland Mountain Gorilla at London Zoo, thanks to my best and belovedSD. And Jookie (said gorilla girl) has been sent by SD to keep the DMoDs at bay. Hurrah! Jookie is way bigger than several monkeys. :) And she is very very cheeky, so I love her already, even though I'm yet to meet her. 

Apophyllite on Quartz stalactite, India
© Thomson Minerals
And as I sat on the bus home, shovelling sweets into my face, I thanked God with a much lighter heart. I am so in love with all of Creation around me (yes, Dr Dawkins, Creation) because of the seemingly infinite possibilities of form and function and the absence of logic and the increased need to be willing to suspend disbelief and preconception at the microscope's lens... I love that there is no such thing as a straight line. There are no real sharp edges. And yet when I start to talk about the amazingness of this rock, the third stone from the sun, people call me crazy or look at me like I have escaped from a secure hospital, but it is true: it is breathtakingly amazing and glorious. If you do not understand what I mean, please go to the Natural History Museum and go to the exhibits on minerals where you can see the elemental minerals in their raw state, and check out the HUGE array of colours, shapes, densities, masses and properties. Look at the stardust and if you can still be untouched and unmoved by such diversity then you are a deeply unhappy and dead soul. I defy you to not say "Wow!, that really is natural and not engineered or altered by man!" about at least ONE of the exhibits therein. Yeah, I know, I am a real science geeknut and love all the weird things, but, honestly, the more you look at things around you the more complex and yet the more beautiful they become.

A very scared Slow Loris in an illegal market in Indonesia.
I look a lot like him right now...

So, today has been about reminding me who I am, and whose I am. Sure the depression is immensely debilitating, but it's good for me to know that God has not given up on me and that He shows His Love in so many ways, some obvious and others not so. It is no accident that as I'm typing this that, on a random Splotify playlist, two consecutive songs called "You Never Let Go" by two different bands (yes, diff lyrics and tunes too) played and made me think of a Beautiful American couple I know (The Atria) talking about "Putting the Lovin' on Someone" - as in ensuring a person knows that they are loved and valued and who they are loved by - and reminded me that I am surrounded by Love and I am anchored to my Rock, even in this storm. And for that, I am very grateful indeed.

When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
When waters rose
And hope had flown

Perfect love that never lets go
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go 

- David Crowder Band (Remedy)


  1. Yay for the Loris knowing that she's ADORED!!! Let's go visit Jookie together and have tea and cake v v soon. Beautifully written post honey x

  2. Hurrah! Yes, Tea, Cake and Jookie the Gorilla Girl. Awesome plan.

    Blarg, my writing is just crazy because I am mad. But thanks lady. :) x